Infertility and the Power of Slowing Down
“There are gaps in the mesh of the everyday world, and sometimes they open up and you fall through them into Somewhere Else. Somewhere Else runs at a different pace to the here and now, where everyone else carries on. Somewhere Else is where ghosts live, concealed from view and only glimpsed by people in the real world. Somewhere Else exists at a delay, so that you can't quite keep pace. Perhaps I was already teetering on the brink of Somewhere Else anyway; but now I fell through, as simply and discreetly as dust sifting between the floorboards. I was surprised to find that I felt at home there. Winter had begun.”
This is a quote from the book “Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times,” written by Katherine May(1). The book is woven artwork of both the author’s personal experiences as well as insights from religion, nature, and renowned authors, such as C.S. Lewis and Sylvia Plath. Throughout the book, May invites us to change how we relate to the hardships in our own lives.
After reading it a few months ago, I found a trend popping up in my own sessions, most exemplified by asking my clients, “what would it be like to just take a beat? Take a moment?” I was met with mixed responses, but many appreciated the invitation to slow down in a trying and often grief-filled season of life.
Infertility can be isolating in so many ways, and many of my clients also resonated with the feeling of “not keeping pace” as others announced pregnancies, celebrated at showers, and welcomed babies into their lives while my clients felt as though life was standing still waiting for the next call from the IVF clinic.
Depression and anxiety have been found to strike both women and men navigating infertility at rates ranging from 30-75% of infertile couples(2). One key pillar of the Bloom & Grow Blueprint is helping clients reduce stress and not lose themselves in the midst of their infertility struggles, but at the same time, eliminate things in life that no longer serve them. I also have multiple therapists I refer my Bloom & Grow clients to, as treatment for co-occuring anxiety, depression, and other mental health struggles deserves targeted support.
If this sounds like something you might be interested in, I would encourage you to both read the book and reach out if you need additional support in your fertility journey!
1. May, K. (2020). Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times. Riverhead Books. Chicago
2. Pasch LA., Holley SR., Bleil ME., Shehab D., Katz PP., Adler NE. Addressing the needs of fertility treatment patients and their partners: are they informed of and do they receive mental health services? Fertil Steril. 2016;106(1):209–215. doi: 10.1016/j.fertnstert.2016.03.006.